Between 2003 and 2006 I was told repeatedly about this guy, who would show up at parties, dose women and get away with it. He even showed up at two of our events. He had great social skills.
1). The first notice I got was about an event at XXXXXXX from a young woman who woke up being fondled. She was told by the staff to “watch your drink.”
2). The second time came from a friend from a sex performer circuit who told me a girlfriend came to her and told her this guy she was going out with liked to play at non-consensual sex and dosed her one night, she felt weird when she woke up and found him touching her. She told him to stop and he tried to continue but she woke up enough to kick him out. It was the same guy. I told her to tell her friend to call the cops and report him.
3). The third time came when I heard that this same guy was under investigation for sexual assault. After asking around I found that he had met the woman when she was a young teen and had stayed close to her family until she was eighteen then asked her out. Same guy again. This is always a Red Flag, it is called “grooming.”
4). The fourth time I was approached by xxxxxxx and she told me that she was asked by three different women to blackball this guy XXXXX because he was non-consensually touching and manipulative. He was raping. He was hanging out at the dungeon and would be there at an event in Dec. 2006.
I found him there, shamed and blackballed him that night, then kicked him out of the building saying he was to avoid going into any party where Carol was present, he was also told to not go into any other sex party space in SF. Ever.
The reason that xxxxx asked me is that I am an elder of this community. I’ve been involved in leathersex and fetish since 1967.
On Dec 16, 2006, my reputation as one of the oldest and best of the early (since 1973 in SF) lecturers on consensuality, SM, anal sex, fetish, gender, toys, blow jobs, sex anatomy, porn modeling, concept of normal, rough sex, latex and leather, fisting, electricity, enemas, group party structure and sex, spanking, drag, stage performance, safer sex, ethical sex, whoring and adult movie performing and other fun stuff was degraded; here’s an example.
A while later a member of the XXXXXXX Board of Directors (xxxxxxx) offered me a ride while I was limping home. He spent the entire ride berating me and telling me how in the world could I have ever done that – in effect telling me that I was no longer welcome at the Citadel because of my bad behavior of kicking out a rapist. Should I have asked nicely of the staff if I could get permission to be a mean and bad person and kick one of their trusted friends out first?
How do I know about this pattern? I have friends all over town, and as often as not, over the past 8 years they have called and confessed that they’ve heard that XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX has spent time berating me with words like “non-consensual,” “only a sex person,” and I especially like the one where he calls me “politically correct.” Is being anti-rape now considered politically correct? Consider the statement above carefully – it’s from a location that has had multiple restraining orders against some of its members.
The funny thing is no one from the fetish and SM “community” ever came forward and thanked me for blackballing a rapist. Only the person who was affected by this person’s behavior has ever stood up for me.
Instead I was blamed and dissed and banned. I have lost appearances, lectures and consultations from San Francisco SM and fetish locations. These people have taken bread from my mouth. So when you asked me for my contribution today I just couldn’t help myself but to be here, so that you can hear the outcome of me cleaning up shit from this community’s vaunted play spaces.
Would I do it again? Yep, I don’t care for rapist scum.
Why it matters or who am I to you?
In 1984 The Health Department closed all sex club activity in SF. Les, Straight, Gay, Bi, Trans, everybody went deep underground. To hold a party was to be faced with arrest and we were detained in 1989 at 890 Folsom for holding a cabaret because there was a radio on and we had no cabaret license. We were “dancing,” according to the SF sergeant, because we were touching our penises and moving around. They took us outside and one by one went through our clothing bags and took our ID’s. We decided to fight this and stood our ground and fought by talking to City Hall and the Fire Department, Police, and Health Department. This dialogue allowed EROS, The Blow Buddies, and Queen of Heaven to be in operation publicly. We made it possible to have public sex and SM events in SF. This also led to the formation of The Coalition For Healthy Sex. This organization was allowed to oversee event structures that you all still use which were designed by Cynthia Slater, Dr. Clark Taylor, David Lourea, Buzz Bense, Steven Brown, Carol Queen and me. Within a few years (around 1994) we were joined by Black Sheets and a host of other groups were then able to publicly advertise and run sex events openly in San Francisco.
Our lives and house are all on the line for you guys. We have been helping all of you to have places to be, freedom to fuck, dress as you choose, spank what you like and to follow your creative loving bliss the entire time.
For the most part since 2006 what we’ve gotten in return is bad press within this community.
The problem is now who will stand up and inform the local police department that this scum was kicked out and is now residing in some other place where he can get away with it? Me again?
Definition for reference:
CA PENAL CODE SECTION 261-269
“As used in this section, ‘duress’ means a direct or implied threat of force, violence, danger, or retribution sufficient to coerce a reasonable person of ordinary susceptibilities to perform an act which otherwise would not have been performed, or acquiesce in an act to which one otherwise would not have submitted. The total circumstances, including the age of the victim, and his or her relationship to the defendant, are factors to consider in appraising the existence of duress.”
In mid-scene to tell a bottom that they aren’t getting paid when they call a safeword unless they finish the scene is coercion. Even more so because there is money involved. Coercion mid-scene is a basis for rape due to the bottom acquiescing to something they don’t want to do so they can get paid. Do not tell me it only happend once, because only once is enough for my taste.
Over the past three years we’ve watched carefully. We’ve been in a couple of times (once on behalf of a major magazine) without any non-disclosures, so we have freedom to talk about what we saw.
Our visit that day showed 100% failure rate on model releases, our research showed a 60% total failure to keep clear 2257 records in their files.
Ironic, huh, we are still directly defending and members of their staff who have dissed us – while we are in court keeping these model release laws on hold – defending models and fighting the 2257 laws. We are helping keep the Feds away from their door. While they are involved in coercing bottoms who want to opt out of a scene.